Friday, April 22, 2011

Mourning during Holy Week.

I truly believe in God's timing being perfect. I use to wrestle with His timing before. My husband would say, "God will provide Jack." and I use to say, "When?". Yes I have been rebellious for most of my life and lacked faith in people and it wasn't any different when I came to know Jesus but as I have walked with my Lord and gotten to know Him I realize there is nothing better than waiting on Him and His timing.

I know God knew exactly what he was doing when he brought The Ambassador Team back from Haiti just in time for Holy Week. For many of us this week is extra special and that is the case for me. I've always enjoyed the traditions of my country and it's probably my favorite time to go home and attend the prayers, be a part of the beautiful carpets made for the processions and all the beauty that surrounds this week. I like going to the Stations of the Cross, Easter service is one of my favorites. I like to read the words of Jesus that lead us through his thoughts, prayers and actions during this week leading to his crucifixion and resurrection. I watch the Passion movie.  We get to try to live through his passion for mankind. We try to feel his painful love for us. We try to feel the pain, the passion, the selfless love he had for us.

This week has been special and heartbreaking for many of us in the team. Leaving Haiti has been painful and trying to adjust back to our "normal" lives has proved to be challenging to say the least. For me this week has been a passionate week that has been full of mourning and longing. As the days progressed the feelings only intensified and a lot of the words Jesus said during this last week of His life became the same words I said. Such as, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34) as i try to adjust to America's life,  “I am thirsty (for more)” (John 19:28) as I long for more.  The feelings (which I am sure are only a glimpse of what He felt) intensified and became such a part of me the yearning, longing, pain, love, compassion, affection, anguish, anger, distress, grief, gladness, indignation, joy, peace, sadness, sympathy, troubled and weary.

I long to go back to Haiti as I am sure our Lord longs to come back for His bride. This thought fuels me to spread the good news onto my family, my beloved community of East Aurora and unto Haiti. Being a missionary locally and globally will forever change my view on priorities and fuel me to serve my Lord with everything. To know what longing feels like, truly yearning to see Haiti again has given me  the tiniest glimpse of what Jesus feels about coming back for us.

I have fallen in love with Haiti and everything it represents to me: freedom, hope, love, submersion. The Bible says where the spirit of the Lord dwells there is freedom. I can say I experienced freedom in Haiti. We submersed ourselves completely to being led by the Spirit, healed by the Spirit, fueled by the Spirit. Everything was with the Spirit. We did not go (like Moses) do, or be anything without the His presence. That was freedom to me. Freedom from my checkbook, my job, doctors, etc. all we had was GOD, SON and HOLY SPIRIT. All we needed in Haiti ..... and all we need here too.

And as I (we) grieved this week I felt the anguish, the anger, and sadness. Such a process I have not gone through in years. The heartache and being torn between wanting to be in Haiti and also loving my community. Wanting to dance and sing with Junia, Julio, Junior, Norma, Nelli, Daphnee, Tesca, Christdanie, Eden and see their smiles and hear their laughter fills my heart with a longing that is indescribable. 

So today I want to thank God for sending his Son to teach us how to love, how to long, and how to grieve. The perfect example of a true missionary. A missionary that had compassion, loved, grieved, yearned, longed for the people and for His Father, had affection, was anguished, even got angry at injustice, was glad to see the children, joy, peace, sadness, sympathy, troubled and was even weary. Also, for the Great Commission that was given after He rose again.

Matthew 28:18-20
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
But when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, you will be filled with power, and you will be witnesses for me in Jerusalem, in all of Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

So in conclusion I tell myself and to you, "Arise for the Lord has arisen and use the authority and power given unto you to change lives, communities and even nations by making disciples because surely He is with me always, to the very end of age. I will be a witness to Aurora, in all America and Haiti, and to the ends of the earth." So as my scars (mosquito bites) disappear I kneel to the scars of the hands of my loving Jesus to praise Him and worship the only reason to exist, to seek His face His splendor.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Rooftop

Spending time at The Rooftop has become a morning way to kickstart the day. Tara starts the worship music and we go and read, pray or sing. The time is probably becoming my favorite part of the day. Honestly waking up early is not my thing but waking up early to spend time at The Rooftop, now that is different. Powerful things happen on The Rooftop. We pray for eachother, talk to God, read the Word and sing songs to our Lord.

Today when we came home from Carrefour Fuielle after spending the day with 100+ kids ranging from the age of 4-16. It was amazing to hear them laugh at us because of our lack of Creole and or attempt at Creole. Playing, learning about Josiah and doing friendship bracelets definitely was a challenge without knowing Creole. Soooo yeah, Creole classes will be a definite this summer.

After a day of soaking it all in, I needed some Rooftop time to think about the kids, Pastor Daniel, Madamme T, and so much more. It was a great evening on The Rooftop.
Soaking it all in,

Monday, April 11, 2011

A Simple Game of Duck Duck Goose

A Simple Game of Duck Duck Goose

My highlight of our first trip into the field today was a simple game of duck duck goose. We had spent the day learning about agriculture, home building and about a ministry called Christianville. All amazing ideas, plans and partnerships with churches that God is just going to bless abundantly. Through all this the blessing of a duck duck goose game with about 20 kids filled the air with laughter and giggles that was an amazing moment of Christ smiling on us.

In the beginning the children were not interacting but then there was one girl about 8 or 9 that came up to Tara and opened dialogue that lead to an attempt of dancing and finally we were successful with a simple game of duck duck goose which Sara and Ashley taught the kids. As the kids started understanding the game and started participating under the shade of the trees of that place that place radiated joy and hope! We all stood around in awe as we clicked away with cameras and video recorded every moment we could possibly get of a beautiful glimpse of heaven where we will all be equal and perfect. Where there will be no more pain.

Amazing what a simple game will do to your heart.

Loving it,

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Worshipping in Creole, English and Spanish

Worshipping in Creole, English and Spanish by Jacqueline

Honestly I am speechless with Haiti so far. But I will share my favorite moments thus far in this trip has all the amount of worship time we have had together with the team, individually and at church.

Going to church celebration service today was unlike anything ever imagined. A group of 8 of us went to a church in a large white tent around the corner. As we entered the gate we were able to see through the windows of two rooms hundreds of children in Sunday School sitting in their spots aweing over the white (yes I am considered "white" here) people coming in. We were right away greeted by the founder of the ministry, Elsie and gave us royal treatment and sat us all on the front row. Quite honestly it was a little uncomfortable to be treated with such honor but we obliged. What would happen next blew our mind!

We were just seated to the front row of God's Glory!!! The worship team consisted of a drummer, a keyboard and two vocalists in the altar area but the whole church was the choir! Worship in this place came out everywhere and it was not just three and two songs!!! Not one person wasn't singing, clapping, or dancing the whole church was worshipping their Lord. Worshipping here in Creole to songs that were familiar and unfamiliar were felt deep in our souls. We did not understand a whole lot but we sure  felt the still voice in our souls of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was present in this place and touching our hearts.

I cannot point out a favorite moment because honestly the whole service was amazing but a highlight was when the song "Come let us adore him." the team sang it in English I sang it Spanish and it just all felt like heaven.  And at this part.....

One day ev'ry tongue will confess You are God
One day ev're knee will bow
Still the greatest treasure remains for those,
Who gladly choose You now

Toda lengua confesara que EL es Dios
 las rodillas se doblaran
 y un deseo eterno tendras en El
si escoges su amor

Yon jou lang ev'ry pral konfese Ou se Bondye
Yon sèl jou a jenou ev're ap bese
Toujou trezò a pi gran pou moun rete,
Ki moun ki kè kontan chwazi ou koulye a

It became reality! I was singing with my  brothers and sisters in Christ loving and praising our Abba Father!

In awe,

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The day has come!

In three hours I will be leaving my home and starting my journey to Haiti! April 9 has finally arrived and quite honestly I cannot sleep with anticipation! I am all packed and ready to go. To go now! Can't sleep or rest. I'm ready! I'm ready now! As I wait two and half more hours, I want to ask you to pray for all of us going on this trip. We leave our families behind while mothers or fathers go to the poorest country in our hemisphere to love and serve others. Sons and daughters that leave worried parents behind for their well being in a country suffering from cholera outbreaks and husbands and wives that leave spouses behind to go wherever Jesus calls us to go be his hands and feet. Pray for our families too.

Thank you all who have made dreams come true through prayer and partnership with me! God is good.


Friday, March 25, 2011

Preparation. Power. Purpose.................Purpose

I've been stuck on this topic for three weeks! I've had many moments where the question arises:
Why are you going to Haiti?

My team lead Sara asked us a  few weeks ago to write a couple paragraphs about motivations/expectations about our trip to Haiti and unbelievably the question that stumped me was: Why are you going to Haiti? Can you believe that question has kept me up at night? Unbelievable?! I've been talking about this dream for a year, I have been praying for this opportunity for many nights, I've driven people crazy with my dream to go to Haiti and this simple question took me on three weeks of thoughts, sleeplessness, and questioning my motives.
And then yesterday, out of  pure "coincidence" I am sitting at my church office mulling over these thoughts writing my thoughts and emailing them of course late to my team lead when my friend Rick strolls in with all his calmness and peaceful demeanor takes a seat at this desk and softly greets us. Meanwhile I'm here distraught thinking my email is so simpleminded should I even send it. What will Sara think? Late and lame!

Now if you know Rick Guzman you know exactly what I'm talking about. This man walks around like there are no troubles in the world, with a brain full of knowledge that God has gifted him with, and so much wisdom that honestly sometimes I feel like I'm feeble minded next to him. A man full of justice thoughts and has educated many about fair trade, coming alongside the least of these, and opened our eyes to the world outside our own. This is a blessing of a man! Well who does God send my way? A patient man that will let me air, vent, and quite honestly go in circles with my thoughts, emotions, fears and of course my confusion. (God is good). Towards the end of my whirlwind rambling discussion THE QUESTION haunts me again in my head and I share with Rick the cause of my anguish. (i know i can be a little dramatic) and i tell him my great conclusion.... "maybe I'm not suppose to know why? maybe because it's not up to me to know. All I know is I am suppose to go show them that we love and care for them and bring news of how we as a church can help. Kind of like a messenger" and he says, "Yes you are the voice to the voiceless. That is why you are part of the Ambassador Team." Then he turns around calmly grabs a book from the shelf and starts reading to me a part of "Holy Discontent" by Bill Hybels. It all all of a sudden makes sense! maybe if I were to pay attention a little better i would have seen the definition of the name of my team. So I went to the dictionary.


[am-bas-uh-der, -dawr]
an authorized messenger or representative. Abbreviation:  Amb., amb.
I have found my purpose and mission! I am an Authorized Messenger of Jesus who will be a voice to the voiceless and this is why I am going to Haiti. This is my calling and I am responding to it! I envision a nation that will rise from the rubbles with the church working right by their side. The name of the Lord will be proclaimed and glorified because of it!
With a purpose,

Exodus 9:16
But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.

Psalm 57:2
I cry out to God Most High,
      to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.

Proverbs 19:21
You can make many plans,but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.

Thanks Rick Guzman for letting yourself be used by God, teaching us so much, and heading this team! Well done.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Preparation, Power, Purpose.......................Power


To feel and see His power is what I yearn! When I think of the power of healing a body, a family, a community and the land of a nation; when I think about the power of prayer and fasting, the power of love, the power of our compassionate Jesus I can't help but think of this verse:

2 Chronicles 7:14-15 

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.

The Power of Prayer
Then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin AND WILL HEAL THEIR LAND. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered......... that part makes me think just as much as what is asked from us: if my people, who are called by MY name,  will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn away from their wicked ways.

I mean the latter part of the verse is great but the first part, what about the first part? What will make His power just rain on us and our lands? What will open his eyes and his ears be attentive to us? What will overwhelm him to just release power of forgiveness and the power to heal lands, nations? The beautiful action of humbling pray... pray to seek his face... pray to change our wicked ways.

As I have seeked to spend time yearning to see his face I have come to the conclusion that being in His presence helps view the devastation in our homes, cities and for me in Haiti with eyes of Hope. God in all His glory shines his power in ruins, in the lost, in devastation. His power fuels me to see beyond all thedifferent ruins. Seeking his face shines beauty, healing, restoration, better new days, transformation onto my strayed son, onto an unhealthy body,  unto a nation lying in ruins, unto a community far from Him. Seeking to see His face shinning on us should be a glorious time. A time of powerful interaction with our God, our creator, our saviour and counselor! We can not go to a nation without consulting with Him, without bringing Him with us and without touching as His hands and feet! My priority has to be to seek Him, shouldn't be yours? I can do nothing without Him... He is my fuel, my force and fortitute. So as I prepare to take this journey to Haiti, it's been  not only about my journey to a nation of devastation it is also a journey to my place of devastation .... to a place of humbling myself to seek his face in prayer so He can heal ME, to a place of forgiveness from Him and from myself and healing of my spiritual land. And as he grants me the favor of his face and as he hears the moans and groans of my soul I am being healed and restored. It's been an amazing journey already!

I ask you to continue praying for me and the Ambassador Team as we are 6 weeks away from departing to Haiti. We are all preparing in different ways spiritually, physically and emotionally but also financially.. please pray in joining us in all these areas. Also, we will be hosting the Celebration Generosity dinners this weekend at the Yellow Box and Romeoville campuses. For more info visit:

Thank you for your support and prayers!


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Preparation, Power, Purpose. --------Preparation

Feeling as if I am going through a time of Preparation, Power and Purpose.

This month started with a challenge I took upon my self to take. Doing the Daniels Fast with a friend in my church. My petition to the Lord is one of health betterment for my husband and myself. I truly expected a change in my diet, maybe a change in my time with the amount of time I spent with God, and I expected to be hungry all the time! I truly enjoy food! Truly! I love the flavors of delicious spices with meats, fish and chicken. I honestly can't wait to have one of my all time favorites Lemon Pepper Chicken or Milanesa (breaded steak Mexican Style) or to have a tender Salmon... my mouth waters to think of all those foods that linger in my mouth. What I didn't expect,  is this time of closeness to God not in the amount of time I spend with Him but the deepening desire to sit still in His presence. The closeness of his Holy Spirit.  During this time I have prayed for God to continue to reveal His will for me. What is the sacrifice He desires from me? How will I be obedient to His desires? Many things come to mind: Haiti, my son, my (hopefully) future sons and daughters, my marriage, my block, my church, my neighborhood.

And as I have been preparing my mind, spirit and body for my trips to Haiti I feel as if I am not only preparing for that specific mission but preparing for this year that will bring many challenges. The challenge of seeing a teenage son furthering himself more and more from God, how do I help him? How do I show him God loves him and wants him in eternity with Him? Then my mind wonders with my sons and daughters to come (if and when they do), what can I do now to establish a better foundation than that of my son. What can I change? Better? Then I pray for my marriage for God to truly bind us together for the mission of Helping People Find Their Way Back to God OR for  Helping Our Kids Stay With God! That our marriage be an example to them of genuine and profound love between The Groom and The Bride. Which then takes me to think about the marriages and families on my block, my church my neighborhood! How can God use us to help marriages that seem to be breaking apart in all theses areas where families are being torn apart and kids lost in all of that pain and unsettling feeling of instability of insecurity.

During this time I've talked with men and women praying for their spouses because they have filed divorce (in and outside the church). Reading and studying about Haiti has opened my eyes to a world of political pain on a country lost in a devastation of corruption. Where rape, death and millions of orphans have become the norm. Have seen my teen son drift more and more away from his family and God. The biggest pain a mother has to endure is to let her children go and wait for their return. I think of the Father and the Prodigal Son and wondered what did the Father do while waiting? What can I do while waiting? What will I do while waiting?

I will continue to praise God in the storm! I will continue to seek Him. I will continue to prepare myself to love. To love God more than myself, to love my neighbor like myself. Prepare myself to forgive others so He can forgive me. Prepare myself to have compassion  as Jesus did. Prepare myself in prayer as Jesus did. Jesus prayed to His heavenly father for the people, for the pain that awaited him in Crucifixion, and just to be in constant communication with Him. To be in His presence.

So as I started this Daniel's Fast for our health, it turned into a time of preparation! I thought maybe a preparation for Haiti trips, it turned out into preparation for many things to come. My Journey to Haiti is opening my mind, spirit and soul to the Mission of My Life! My God has a way to work it all out huh?

I suppose you always think you have a plan and it turns out HE has a plan too. Usually what happens, His plans take priority and honestly I wouldn't have it any other way.

Humbly preparing,

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Getting Started

I have dreamt of such a time as this for a while. The excitement, the anxiousness......... the confusion?

I am so excited to get started with all the preparations for these trips that will take place in the next few years. I have been reading the Haitian news, watching documentaries and trying to find classes for Haitian Creole. This. Is. EXCITING!

I am anxious to get there. It seems as if I am in a hurry to meet with a long lost friend or a relative I haven't seen in a long time. I get nervous of how I am going to feel when I set step onto Haitian land. It's crazy but I can't wait to go! It's as if I was created for such a time as this! My heart races and my mind goes wild trying to imagine how it all feels. It: the pain of the people, the smiles of the children that cling on to hope, the rubble, the everything! It's incredible that a person wants to so anxiously go to a place were there is disease, pain, loss, and so much less of what we have here in the United States. I may sound crazy especially to so many of my friends but I just can't wait! April 9th seems so far away.

But amongst all this excitement and anxiousness there is also confusion! I am completely confused about so many things. I am confused (as always and as many know me) of my role in Haiti. What is God's purpose? Why all this fire in me for this nation? What can I help with? What is God up to in my life? Quite honestly, God scares me. He tends to know how to flip my life upside down. I'm not complaining in any matter just confused of what can I possibly be of service to a country with such great needs. Now I know I'm NOT going to be this great thing that transforms Haiti to a nation of prosperity and I know I am NOT any kind of savior BUT I do know that Haiti is going to do something extraordinary in my life. What? I don't know.

I am also very confused about the logistics of this new venture. Maybe it's not confusion maybe it's fear. Yes, FEAR..... the four letter word that I despise and so often feel. Fear to fail..... yes.... fear to fail (as always). Fear to fail at my 10 trip commitment to this country and my God. Making a commitment has always brought fear unto  me. Do you fear commitment? I do! Truly I dislike committing. I like just going with the flow most of the time but when it comes to a commitment to God, I'm pretty extreme! Maybe to the point of legalism. HA! Yes legalism. I tend to be a little bold with my God and for His mission. Truly I am confused of how will I ever learn this language that sounds somewhat Spanish somewhat English? How will I travel and fund raise to maintain these trips?  Here I am trying to start a family and starting my mission field too?
And then I read this:
The more you worry, the more likely you are to have bad dreams.

WHOA...wait a minute here! All my dream has been in the past year is to go to Haiti. It's an awesome dream to me! When my friends learn about my trip, the first thing they say, "Jack, it's your dream come true!" (Poor gals they were probably tired of hearing me talk about it.)  So, WHY o WHY have I been wanting to convert my dream into a bad dream? A dream that wants to overwhelm me with confusion and fear? I suppose it's called common sense. We all have one.... (I think :) ). We all tend to want to worry about something instead of letting go and let God be God.
He is the only one that could have put this fire in me, because I know it wasn't me saying "Oh yes I want to go to Haiti where the scenery will be great with all the rubble. Oh and no running water will be just fine! O yes I would like to go where there is thousands of people dying from cholera" (hence why my friends and family think I am crazy!) So if God put this desire in my heart shouldn't He be the one worrying with what He intends on doing with or for me in Haiti!

So in conclusion, I thank God for giving me common sense but when it comes to His will, I will put that at His feet too.

Help me pray for safety, funds, and peace.
Thank you for being on this journey with me.
Much love,

Philippians 4:4-7
 Always be joyful in the Lord! I’ll say it again: Be joyful! Let everyone know how considerate you are. The Lord is near. Never worry about anything. But in every situation let God know what you need in prayers and requests while giving thanks. Then God’s peace, which goes beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your thoughts and emotions through Christ Jesus.

Monday, January 31, 2011

One year of waiting

In the past year from even before January 12th my attention has been on the nation of Haiti. My thoughts and prayers increased from January 12, 2010. I was on an airplane on my way to Guatemala, my family's native land, when I heard of the devastating earthquake in the country where  a little baby boy that had caught my attention months before lived or did he?. His name was Loubens and needed to come to the United States to get a surgery to remove a growth on his neck. I fell in love with the idea of hosting this child in his 6 month visit to Chicago to get his surgery at Loyola University. On January 12th my thoughts of Loubens shifted to wondering if he was alive, if the children were OK, if the orphanages with thousands of kids were safe? All theses questions and no answers.

For a year I have been praying for the opportunity to be able to go to Haiti.  Now you will join me in my Journey to Haiti. My church Community Chrisitian Church has teamed up with World Relief to work in Haiti for long term!

 Learn more here:

"Over the past year since the devastating Earthquake in January, 2010, members of COMMUNITY's global team have been cultivating a relationship with an inspiring pastor and church community whose church and school buildings were both completely destroyed in the Earthquake.The church building that was home to a congregation of about 600 people along with the building that housed the school that church members ran for children in the community are located on a steep hillside in one of the most hard-hit neighborhoods in the Port Au Prince area."

I'm excited for this series of trips I will be doing. Join me and partner with me in this mission. I have created this blog to share my progress. A sort of  diary about my Journey to Haiti. My first trip will be April 9th, will you join me? Will you pray for this trip? Will you contribute to the mission? Will you celebrate with me the greatness of our God?

Psalm 74:21
Do not let the oppressed retreat in disgrace; may the poor and needy praise your name