Friday, April 22, 2011

Mourning during Holy Week.

I truly believe in God's timing being perfect. I use to wrestle with His timing before. My husband would say, "God will provide Jack." and I use to say, "When?". Yes I have been rebellious for most of my life and lacked faith in people and it wasn't any different when I came to know Jesus but as I have walked with my Lord and gotten to know Him I realize there is nothing better than waiting on Him and His timing.

I know God knew exactly what he was doing when he brought The Ambassador Team back from Haiti just in time for Holy Week. For many of us this week is extra special and that is the case for me. I've always enjoyed the traditions of my country and it's probably my favorite time to go home and attend the prayers, be a part of the beautiful carpets made for the processions and all the beauty that surrounds this week. I like going to the Stations of the Cross, Easter service is one of my favorites. I like to read the words of Jesus that lead us through his thoughts, prayers and actions during this week leading to his crucifixion and resurrection. I watch the Passion movie.  We get to try to live through his passion for mankind. We try to feel his painful love for us. We try to feel the pain, the passion, the selfless love he had for us.

This week has been special and heartbreaking for many of us in the team. Leaving Haiti has been painful and trying to adjust back to our "normal" lives has proved to be challenging to say the least. For me this week has been a passionate week that has been full of mourning and longing. As the days progressed the feelings only intensified and a lot of the words Jesus said during this last week of His life became the same words I said. Such as, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34) as i try to adjust to America's life,  “I am thirsty (for more)” (John 19:28) as I long for more.  The feelings (which I am sure are only a glimpse of what He felt) intensified and became such a part of me the yearning, longing, pain, love, compassion, affection, anguish, anger, distress, grief, gladness, indignation, joy, peace, sadness, sympathy, troubled and weary.

I long to go back to Haiti as I am sure our Lord longs to come back for His bride. This thought fuels me to spread the good news onto my family, my beloved community of East Aurora and unto Haiti. Being a missionary locally and globally will forever change my view on priorities and fuel me to serve my Lord with everything. To know what longing feels like, truly yearning to see Haiti again has given me  the tiniest glimpse of what Jesus feels about coming back for us.

I have fallen in love with Haiti and everything it represents to me: freedom, hope, love, submersion. The Bible says where the spirit of the Lord dwells there is freedom. I can say I experienced freedom in Haiti. We submersed ourselves completely to being led by the Spirit, healed by the Spirit, fueled by the Spirit. Everything was with the Spirit. We did not go (like Moses) do, or be anything without the His presence. That was freedom to me. Freedom from my checkbook, my job, doctors, etc. all we had was GOD, SON and HOLY SPIRIT. All we needed in Haiti ..... and all we need here too.

And as I (we) grieved this week I felt the anguish, the anger, and sadness. Such a process I have not gone through in years. The heartache and being torn between wanting to be in Haiti and also loving my community. Wanting to dance and sing with Junia, Julio, Junior, Norma, Nelli, Daphnee, Tesca, Christdanie, Eden and see their smiles and hear their laughter fills my heart with a longing that is indescribable. 

So today I want to thank God for sending his Son to teach us how to love, how to long, and how to grieve. The perfect example of a true missionary. A missionary that had compassion, loved, grieved, yearned, longed for the people and for His Father, had affection, was anguished, even got angry at injustice, was glad to see the children, joy, peace, sadness, sympathy, troubled and was even weary. Also, for the Great Commission that was given after He rose again.

Matthew 28:18-20
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
But when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, you will be filled with power, and you will be witnesses for me in Jerusalem, in all of Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

So in conclusion I tell myself and to you, "Arise for the Lord has arisen and use the authority and power given unto you to change lives, communities and even nations by making disciples because surely He is with me always, to the very end of age. I will be a witness to Aurora, in all America and Haiti, and to the ends of the earth." So as my scars (mosquito bites) disappear I kneel to the scars of the hands of my loving Jesus to praise Him and worship the only reason to exist, to seek His face His splendor.


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