Thursday, February 3, 2011

Getting Started

I have dreamt of such a time as this for a while. The excitement, the anxiousness......... the confusion?

I am so excited to get started with all the preparations for these trips that will take place in the next few years. I have been reading the Haitian news, watching documentaries and trying to find classes for Haitian Creole. This. Is. EXCITING!

I am anxious to get there. It seems as if I am in a hurry to meet with a long lost friend or a relative I haven't seen in a long time. I get nervous of how I am going to feel when I set step onto Haitian land. It's crazy but I can't wait to go! It's as if I was created for such a time as this! My heart races and my mind goes wild trying to imagine how it all feels. It: the pain of the people, the smiles of the children that cling on to hope, the rubble, the everything! It's incredible that a person wants to so anxiously go to a place were there is disease, pain, loss, and so much less of what we have here in the United States. I may sound crazy especially to so many of my friends but I just can't wait! April 9th seems so far away.

But amongst all this excitement and anxiousness there is also confusion! I am completely confused about so many things. I am confused (as always and as many know me) of my role in Haiti. What is God's purpose? Why all this fire in me for this nation? What can I help with? What is God up to in my life? Quite honestly, God scares me. He tends to know how to flip my life upside down. I'm not complaining in any matter just confused of what can I possibly be of service to a country with such great needs. Now I know I'm NOT going to be this great thing that transforms Haiti to a nation of prosperity and I know I am NOT any kind of savior BUT I do know that Haiti is going to do something extraordinary in my life. What? I don't know.

I am also very confused about the logistics of this new venture. Maybe it's not confusion maybe it's fear. Yes, FEAR..... the four letter word that I despise and so often feel. Fear to fail..... yes.... fear to fail (as always). Fear to fail at my 10 trip commitment to this country and my God. Making a commitment has always brought fear unto  me. Do you fear commitment? I do! Truly I dislike committing. I like just going with the flow most of the time but when it comes to a commitment to God, I'm pretty extreme! Maybe to the point of legalism. HA! Yes legalism. I tend to be a little bold with my God and for His mission. Truly I am confused of how will I ever learn this language that sounds somewhat Spanish somewhat English? How will I travel and fund raise to maintain these trips?  Here I am trying to start a family and starting my mission field too?
And then I read this:
The more you worry, the more likely you are to have bad dreams.

WHOA...wait a minute here! All my dream has been in the past year is to go to Haiti. It's an awesome dream to me! When my friends learn about my trip, the first thing they say, "Jack, it's your dream come true!" (Poor gals they were probably tired of hearing me talk about it.)  So, WHY o WHY have I been wanting to convert my dream into a bad dream? A dream that wants to overwhelm me with confusion and fear? I suppose it's called common sense. We all have one.... (I think :) ). We all tend to want to worry about something instead of letting go and let God be God.
He is the only one that could have put this fire in me, because I know it wasn't me saying "Oh yes I want to go to Haiti where the scenery will be great with all the rubble. Oh and no running water will be just fine! O yes I would like to go where there is thousands of people dying from cholera" (hence why my friends and family think I am crazy!) So if God put this desire in my heart shouldn't He be the one worrying with what He intends on doing with or for me in Haiti!

So in conclusion, I thank God for giving me common sense but when it comes to His will, I will put that at His feet too.

Help me pray for safety, funds, and peace.
Thank you for being on this journey with me.
Much love,

Philippians 4:4-7
 Always be joyful in the Lord! I’ll say it again: Be joyful! Let everyone know how considerate you are. The Lord is near. Never worry about anything. But in every situation let God know what you need in prayers and requests while giving thanks. Then God’s peace, which goes beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your thoughts and emotions through Christ Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. Jack,

    I can relate to your confusion. I felt some similar feelings before I went on my ministry trip to Israel. I had such a heart for the Palestinian people and I didn't know why. I knew I could not singlehandedly bring about peace in that nation, but I felt there was nowhere else on earth where they needed Jesus more. When I arrived at my "divine appointment" I knew it, because it was life changing for all involved, even me. Your heart will tell you when your time has come to make an impact. One thing I have learned is that God's ways often defy common sense, so I would leave the logistics up to Him. He will see to it that you are able to go on just as many trips as it takes for you to accomplish what he has planned for you to do there. I can't wait for you to get back from your first trip so I can hear all about it. It's always exciting to hear stories about how God is working through people like you and me to heal the world.