Saying goodbye continues to be my most challenging time in Haiti. This is my third time in Haiti in 12 months, and it does not get easier. On this trip, I wanted to be more focused on one thing, relationships. I wanted to build a relationship with three young men that had made the effort and of keeping in contact via facebook or The Savini’s from the January trip. In January I met them and I thought of them often. It seems to me that when you visit an orphanage you tend to gravitate to the little cuties knee high. Honestly I do, my maternal desire gravitates to the little bitty ones. But what of the older ones? The ones who have many chores and a lot of children to help care for? So my focus was going to be primarily Eastwood, Josias, Yvens and of coursed I snuck in a big hug with Moles ( who just melts my heart when he sings) and Billie Jean (who I fell in love with instantly in January).
Eastwood and I had agreed that we would meet nightly to learn/ practice English and I learn Creole and that's how it started in the beginning of the week. As the week progressed there was a shift from studying to sharing life. We talked about my piti gason (son) a lot. They were very interested in how he was like, what did he like, what was his style? We talked about music, America, and Haiti. I think of the conversations I have with my son, that sound so different and wonder how could I leave and leave them here. My heart rejoices when I see them playing with Erik, Caleb and Bobby. I marvel at how God brought our three American teens to impact these three Haitian teens and so many more.
Tonight, our last night together, I sat with GiGi (Who's smile and servant heart has stolen the hearts of many of us), Yvens and my very quiet and loving Josias. We sang, cried, prayed and just sat in silence. Josias writes me everyday I am here; Yvens just listens to Eastwood and I when we talk. Eastwood is the one with many questions of America and acts as the protector of Jacqueline a lot. Eastwood seems to be a leader in the pack, he excels in sports, is a great musician and is very smart, he speaks the most English of the three and if he doesn't know he uses my Google translator (if we have internet), my dictionaries or goes finds a translator. One way or another he will get his question answered.
Tonight’s conversations were very sad. Conversations of "don't forget me", "I will miss you", "pray for me" and "I wish I could go with you". I wondered if building relationships here was wise, it's so much easier to just not attach yourself. I wonder if I hurt them more than help? I cried, they cried. I promised, God willing I will come back soon but that did not bring their bright smiles back. Eastwood, retreated to bed early tonight, and maybe it was much better to not go through the goodbye process with him. That goodbye is one I cannot do with composure. Josias, when asked "kouman ou ye?" (How are you?) All he could say in his soft voice, "not good." Nothing more was spoken but his letter tonight was the hardest to read. Yvens, the one I see so alive for God, we prayed for each other in our respective languages and cried. Immediately after our prayer he retreated quickly and went to bed.
Getting to know these young men has inspired me in so many levels. In what may my role be in the lives of young people in my community, in Haiti and specifically in theirs?
My time in Haiti as expected has been fulfilling, it's been a blessing, and has again opened my eyes to more.
Tonight is especially difficult and tomorrow, well tomorrow will not be any better.
I am very happy to be writing from Haiti tonight! It's been 24 hours of running around packing, driving in crazy weather, lug over a ton of supplies, catching planes, eating, running and then the wheels of the airplane touch down on Haitian land! Oh what a feeling!?
Through all the hustle and bustle of preparing for this trip I was worrying and doubting my effectiveness in Haiti. If I would be able to work, reach, impact anyone in Haiti. I kept thinking of what could keep me from working and tonight the question..."What keeps you from seeking all of God right now?" whoa! It hit me good! MY WORRIES!!! That's what keeps me from soaking in God, soaking in Haiti, soaking in being with Haiti. Tonight as we closed out the long day of travels with some time of worship, God shows up... or I let Him show up in my life and he soothes the aches, the worries, the doubts and whispers in my heart, "There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning. I make all things work together for your good."
I'm ready for this week! I am His servant, His Ambassador, His made new daughter and He is my King, my Savior and my Counselor! I am His and He is mine and if He is with me NOTHING can come against me!
I am blessed to spend my first night in Haiti with 9 others on fire for Him!
Blessings!
Jacqueline
I truly believe in God's timing being perfect. I use to wrestle with His timing before. My husband would say, "God will provide Jack." and I use to say, "When?". Yes I have been rebellious for most of my life and lacked faith in people and it wasn't any different when I came to know Jesus but as I have walked with my Lord and gotten to know Him I realize there is nothing better than waiting on Him and His timing.
I know God knew exactly what he was doing when he brought The Ambassador Team back from Haiti just in time for Holy Week. For many of us this week is extra special and that is the case for me. I've always enjoyed the traditions of my country and it's probably my favorite time to go home and attend the prayers, be a part of the beautiful carpets made for the processions and all the beauty that surrounds this week. I like going to the Stations of the Cross, Easter service is one of my favorites. I like to read the words of Jesus that lead us through his thoughts, prayers and actions during this week leading to his crucifixion and resurrection. I watch the Passion movie. We get to try to live through his passion for mankind. We try to feel his painful love for us. We try to feel the pain, the passion, the selfless love he had for us.
This week has been special and heartbreaking for many of us in the team. Leaving Haiti has been painful and trying to adjust back to our "normal" lives has proved to be challenging to say the least. For me this week has been a passionate week that has been full of mourning and longing. As the days progressed the feelings only intensified and a lot of the words Jesus said during this last week of His life became the same words I said. Such as, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34) as i try to adjust to America's life, “I am thirsty (for more)” (John 19:28) as I long for more. The feelings (which I am sure are only a glimpse of what He felt) intensified and became such a part of me the yearning, longing, pain, love, compassion, affection, anguish, anger, distress, grief, gladness, indignation, joy, peace, sadness, sympathy, troubled and weary.
I long to go back to Haiti as I am sure our Lord longs to come back for His bride. This thought fuels me to spread the good news onto my family, my beloved community of East Aurora and unto Haiti. Being a missionary locally and globally will forever change my view on priorities and fuel me to serve my Lord with everything. To know what longing feels like, truly yearning to see Haiti again has given me the tiniest glimpse of what Jesus feels about coming back for us.
I have fallen in love with Haiti and everything it represents to me: freedom, hope, love, submersion. The Bible says where the spirit of the Lord dwells there is freedom. I can say I experienced freedom in Haiti. We submersed ourselves completely to being led by the Spirit, healed by the Spirit, fueled by the Spirit. Everything was with the Spirit. We did not go (like Moses) do, or be anything without the His presence. That was freedom to me. Freedom from my checkbook, my job, doctors, etc. all we had was GOD, SON and HOLY SPIRIT. All we needed in Haiti ..... and all we need here too.
And as I (we) grieved this week I felt the anguish, the anger, and sadness. Such a process I have not gone through in years. The heartache and being torn between wanting to be in Haiti and also loving my community. Wanting to dance and sing with Junia, Julio, Junior, Norma, Nelli, Daphnee, Tesca, Christdanie, Eden and see their smiles and hear their laughter fills my heart with a longing that is indescribable.
So today I want to thank God for sending his Son to teach us how to love, how to long, and how to grieve. The perfect example of a true missionary. A missionary that had compassion, loved, grieved, yearned, longed for the people and for His Father, had affection, was anguished, even got angry at injustice, was glad to see the children, joy, peace, sadness, sympathy, troubled and was even weary. Also, for the Great Commission that was given after He rose again.
Matthew 28:18-20
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Acts1:8
But when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, you will be filled with power, and you will be witnesses for me in Jerusalem, in all of Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.
So in conclusion I tell myself and to you, "Arise for the Lord has arisen and use the authority and power given unto you to change lives, communities and even nations by making disciples because surely He is with me always, to the very end of age. I will be a witness to Aurora, in all America and Haiti, and to the ends of the earth." So as my scars (mosquito bites) disappear I kneel to the scars of the hands of my loving Jesus to praise Him and worship the only reason to exist, to seek His face His splendor.
Spending time at The Rooftop has become a morning way to kickstart the day. Tara starts the worship music and we go and read, pray or sing. The time is probably becoming my favorite part of the day. Honestly waking up early is not my thing but waking up early to spend time at The Rooftop, now that is different. Powerful things happen on The Rooftop. We pray for eachother, talk to God, read the Word and sing songs to our Lord.
Today when we came home from Carrefour Fuielle after spending the day with 100+ kids ranging from the age of 4-16. It was amazing to hear them laugh at us because of our lack of Creole and or attempt at Creole. Playing, learning about Josiah and doing friendship bracelets definitely was a challenge without knowing Creole. Soooo yeah, Creole classes will be a definite this summer.
After a day of soaking it all in, I needed some Rooftop time to think about the kids, Pastor Daniel, Madamme T, and so much more. It was a great evening on The Rooftop.
My highlight of our first trip into the field today was a simple game of duck duck goose. We had spent the day learning about agriculture, home building and about a ministry called Christianville. All amazing ideas, plans and partnerships with churches that God is just going to bless abundantly. Through all this the blessing of a duck duck goose game with about 20 kids filled the air with laughter and giggles that was an amazing moment of Christ smiling on us.
In the beginning the children were not interacting but then there was one girl about 8 or 9 that came up to Tara and opened dialogue that lead to an attempt of dancing and finally we were successful with a simple game of duck duck goose which Sara and Ashley taught the kids. As the kids started understanding the game and started participating under the shade of the trees of that place that place radiated joy and hope! We all stood around in awe as we clicked away with cameras and video recorded every moment we could possibly get of a beautiful glimpse of heaven where we will all be equal and perfect. Where there will be no more pain.
Honestly I am speechless with Haiti so far. But I will share my favorite moments thus far in this trip has all the amount of worship time we have had together with the team, individually and at church.
Going to church celebration service today was unlike anything ever imagined. A group of 8 of us went to a church in a large white tent around the corner. As we entered the gate we were able to see through the windows of two rooms hundreds of children in Sunday School sitting in their spots aweing over the white (yes I am considered "white" here) people coming in. We were right away greeted by the founder of the ministry, Elsie and gave us royal treatment and sat us all on the front row. Quite honestly it was a little uncomfortable to be treated with such honor but we obliged. What would happen next blew our mind!
We were just seated to the front row of God's Glory!!! The worship team consisted of a drummer, a keyboard and two vocalists in the altar area but the whole church was the choir! Worship in this place came out everywhere and it was not just three and two songs!!! Not one person wasn't singing, clapping, or dancing the whole church was worshipping their Lord. Worshipping here in Creole to songs that were familiar and unfamiliar were felt deep in our souls. We did not understand a whole lot but we sure felt the still voice in our souls of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was present in this place and touching our hearts.
I cannot point out a favorite moment because honestly the whole service was amazing but a highlight was when the song "Come let us adore him." the team sang it in English I sang it Spanish and it just all felt like heaven. And at this part.....
One day ev'ry tongue will confess You are God
One day ev're knee will bow
Still the greatest treasure remains for those,
Who gladly choose You now
Toda lengua confesara que EL es Dios las rodillas se doblaran y un deseo eterno tendras en El si escoges su amor
Yon joulangev'rypralkonfeseOuseBondye Yon sèl jou ajenouev'reapbese Toujoutrezòapi granpou mounrete, Ki moun kikè kontanchwaziou koulye a
It became reality! I was singing with my brothers and sisters in Christ loving and praising our Abba Father!
In three hours I will be leaving my home and starting my journey to Haiti! April 9 has finally arrived and quite honestly I cannot sleep with anticipation! I am all packed and ready to go. To go now! Can't sleep or rest. I'm ready! I'm ready now! As I wait two and half more hours, I want to ask you to pray for all of us going on this trip. We leave our families behind while mothers or fathers go to the poorest country in our hemisphere to love and serve others. Sons and daughters that leave worried parents behind for their well being in a country suffering from cholera outbreaks and husbands and wives that leave spouses behind to go wherever Jesus calls us to go be his hands and feet. Pray for our families too.
Thank you all who have made dreams come true through prayer and partnership with me! God is good.
