While in Haiti one of
the assignments we were given was to help the young boys with the healing of
some type of fungal infection that was persistently plaguing the kids. There
were various reasons given of why these boys were suffering from this infection
and they explained the many ways they tried to get rid of it.
Kelsey (one of the
missionaries I got the privilege of living with) and I started the Tet (head)
Washing Game on February 13th. The task was daunting! The first step
they said, all the children had to get their heads shaved. Shaved, with razor
blades not with clippers like in America. There were many cuts and
blood and yelling. It was horrible! Kelsey and I felt overwhelmed and didn’t
understand this process. It was messy, stressful, and very frustrating. One of
the employees at the orphanage was angry feeling threatened by the Americans taking
over and wanting his job. The children didn’t want their heads shaved because
of the puss filled mounds were going to get cut open and they’d resist and get
gashes from the razor blades. It was a scene I wish to never relive. I wished
we hadn’t been assigned this task.
Kelsey and I continued
the Tet Washing Game day after day for 16 days! (She is still playing) With time it actually did become a game. Some
kids would run to be the first one to get their heads washed and treated some
would still cry and had to be dragged to the washing station. We sang kids
songs and sometimes we changed the lyrics like “ I have decided to follow Jesus”
to “ I am so excited to follow Jesus” during tantrum times. Sometimes we quietly prayed over their heads, we massaged their heads, tickled their heads
and sometimes we’d just shower them too (the case of Schnyder who loves “dlo”
water).
Now, the daunting task
I wish I was never assigned is the moment of the day I miss most.
Here is a picture of
Mark’s head on February 15. This was already better after two treatments.
Here is a picture of
Mark’s head on March 1- (17 days of treatment)
I am thankful Kelsey and
I stuck it out. Even though we were yelled at (opposed), were hurting to see
the pain from their heads and had to touch some of the gruesome gashes we were
able to the hands and feet of Jesus for these kids.
I’ve had a couple
conversations this month with some of the people here in Haiti about the religion practiced in Haiti called,
Voudou. There are many different thoughts out there about this topic such as;
it’s part of their culture, it’s just a style of music like Reggae and Kompa,
or it’s part of the Catholic religion in Haiti and many more.
I won’t get into many
details about the religion or practice but I will say this: There is ONLY one
God and anything that is not of God is against God and what is against God is
of Satan.
The drums in the night, the flags in certain places
and the temples are constant reminders that there is much darkness in Haiti and that there is much work for the Kingdom of God. I know my God reigns and there is
nothing impossible for Him. Spiritually, Haiti is dangerous but I am not
afraid because I walk with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
Today one of my fears
have come to a reality, my RA is flaring up. It’s Wednesday and I am lying in
bed throbbing in so much pain, my feet and hands and feet are swollen and I
just want to cry and I want Obe to come help me. It’s the Wednesday before my
birthday and I am supposed to be preparing for a big bash on Friday for the
kids and I am laying in bed.
The reason Haiti can be so challenging for me in contrast
to many others is not the heat, the garbage or even lack of electricity or
water for me it’s walking in Haiti.
Walking on dirt roads with holes, walking on rocks and lack of a flat surface
to walk in. Walking is my daily struggle here. I fear it. I feel it in every
joint from my lower back to my toes. Before two years ago, I never thought
about everything it takes to walk, run or even stand now (unfortunately) I am
very aware of every move that even my toes make to walk, stand, and (I hardly
ever dare to) run.
I also think it’s kind
of humorous that God called me to come serve Haiti the same year I got diagnosed
with Rheumatoid. Rheumatoid Arthritis is an autoimmune disorder (over reactive
immune system) that primarily attacks the synovial fluid in your joints. For me
it is generalized where it attacks all my joints from my neck, to my spine to
the rest of my joints. It’s been a painful transition from being physically
active to sometimes being completely inactive (like today). It’s been painful
physically, emotionally and mentally along with relationally.
I thought to myself
many times, “How can I be useful to anyone when I sometimes need help getting
dressed?”, “How can I be a good friend if many times I have to cancel
activities because I can’t walk well?”, “How can I serve God if I can’t even
get to the meeting to learn about what I can do?”. Yet, He called me, chose me
to go serve the people of Haiti!
Where I have to travel 10 hours to get to my destination, lug around luggage,
leave the comforts of my tempra-peudic bed, and to go walk in this terrain. A
place where the humidity, almost instantly, swells my feet and hands into ugly
deformed tamales.
So in conclusion, I
have learned that no I can’t plant the trees that will help the kids obtain
fresh food, I can’t haul around dirt in wheel barrels or even carry a bucket of
cement to help build the church building and no I can’t even carry babies for
more than 15 minutes but I have learned I can love a child that is orphaned or
abandoned with all my heart. I can administer vitamins to the kids every
morning, teach them the importance of good hygiene and help administer first
aid to their daily wounds. I can sit and read a book to them, color with them
and solve puzzles with them. I can sit quietly and pray for them.
He has called me to be
His hands and feet and to be the voice of the voiceless. Even though my hands
and feet most days are hurt, I remember His hands and feet also hurt for me. I
also remember Rheumatoid Arthritis could never take my voice away and I will
use it to be His voice. So even though I struggle daily in Haiti my God is
my strength to finish the work He has assigned me.
In December when I
started to pack and fundraise for these 32 days I was reading Exodus and came
across the verse:
“If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. Exodus 33:15
Instantly I knew that
was going to be my prayer. I will not move one step without you if His presence
is not wit me I am not going anywhere.
I’ve always been a
“fan” if you can say of verses that have the word “walk” like: Walk with love: And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his
commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in
love. (2 John 1:6 NIV)
Walk by faith:
For we walkbyfaith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
Walk humbly:
And
what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humblywith your God. Micah
6:8
In the past two years
they became more than feel good verses or declarations of my faith but a real
defiance towards a physical condition that threatens my ability to walk. I hear
myself saying; “ I will WALK with love”, “ I will WALK by faith”, “I will WALK
humbly with my God.” It was no different with this trip.
In the back of my mind
as I prepared for this trip I had a little fear (a little lie) in the back of
my mind, “What if I get a flare from my Rheumatoid? What will I do (without
Obe)? How will I not draw negative attention to my time there? How will I
recover? How much medicine should I take with me? What if my spinal stenosis or
herniated discs or whatever cause my left leg to hurt and limit my abilities to
be with the kids?”
You see the enemy
tried everything to stop me from coming. He raised many fears, doubts in me and
even in my God. He brought people against me and tried to feed me lies about
myself. I related a lot with Moses and now I look back on my timing in reading
Genesis and Exodus and know God needed to tell me:
-Yes, you
may think you are not sufficient:
Exodus 3:10But Moses pleaded with
the Lord, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been,
and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”
-Yes, you
have a past that can try to come haunt you
Exodus 2:11 Many years later, when Moses had
grown up, he went out to visit his own people, the Hebrews, and he saw how hard
they were forced to work. During his visit, he saw an Egyptian beating one of
his fellow Hebrews.12 After looking in all
directions to make sure no one was watching, Moses killed the Egyptian and hid
the body in the sand.
-Yes, you
need others to help you:
Exodus 17:11 As long as Moses held up the staff
in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his
hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage.12 Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer
hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood
on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until
sunset.13 As
a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle.
-And yes, I
Am is with you.
Exodus 3:14 God replied to Moses, “I Am
Who
I Am.Say this to the
people of Israel:
I Am has sent me to you.”15 God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: Yahweh,the God of your
ancestors—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob—has sent
me to you.
This is my eternal name, my name to remember for all generations.
Today I give thanks I
WALK with Him and He WALKS with me.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
“I Don’t Have a Self”-
Madam Yanik Joseph
During these past 17
days I have had the fortune of getting to know a woman I met exactly a year ago
a little more. I have enjoyed hearing her laughter and also about her heart
from her heart. I have had many conversations as we drink hot chocolate
together or as we lock arms and walk together on a dirt road.
One of the things God
put in my heart while looking forward to this time in Haiti was to be
a friend to Madam Yanik. She is the pastor’s wife here at One Family and also
the one who is called Mommy by 48 kids, the one that makes sure every meal is
clean and prepared properly, the one who makes sure all guest rooms are clean
and disinfected for teams coming in, the one who catches a couple hours of
sleep here and there while she aids her husband in all she can with the church,
school and orphanage. A very tired woman whom you may not see preaching or
thriving for titles on stages but you see everyday, every hour and every minute
of the day and night carrying a child, giving medicine to a child, nurturing a
child or feeding a child. THIS is a woman I admire and I wanted to get to know
more and be the friend God wanted me to be to her. One who listens, laughs and
hopefully encourages her.
I’ve been studying the
life of David while in Haiti
and this past week I came across the story of Jonathon and David. The Bible
says:
“As
soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the
soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.2 And Saul took him that day and would not let
him return to his father's house.3 Then
Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.4 And Jonathan stripped himself of the
robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword
and his bow and his belt.”
Right away Jonathon
loved David and committed himself, his friendship and even gave him his
belongings. The belongings of a prince to a sheep shepherd?
I thought of many friends the Lord has gifted
me in my life. Many people came to mind, some whom I immediately felt a love
for and some whom I grew to love and either way I have been blessed abundantly
with friends who have turned into sisters. Sisters who love, encourage me and
pray for me. Sisters I cry with and celebrate with. I have committed myself to
love friends some easy to love and some a little challenging to understand but
I have committed my love and friendship.
I know the blessings
that come with friendships and I really hoped that I can be a blessing to Madam
Yanik whom also is a pastor’s wife, whom also does all the behind the scenes
things that no one sees, whom also only has one son and is “etranje”
(foreigner) in her own people. Many of these things can lead us to a lonely
place a place where we feel we “have no self”. This is a place where we
continually serve our communities, our congregations or our husbands and end up
feeling like “I don’t have a self.” I have felt that many times but in many
instances friends and my time with them give me myself back to me again. This
is a relationship where I don’t have to serve, just enjoy and love and be free with.
I pray this time in Haiti
is the foundation of great relationships with the children, some of the church
members but mostly with Madam Yanik, whom I have “knit” my soul to her soul as
I have had the privilege to do so with other women in my life.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
First
day of second week, First day without Americans
There so many things I
have touched, smelled, tasted, heard, and seen this past week such as;
Smelled: This I have
to admit is probably the most challenged of the senses in Haiti. It’s
very difficult to find a pleasant smell in Haiti. I was really looking forward
for the jasmine tree in the compound to be in bloom this time as it was in
August that gave me a great escape then. Here goes, I have definitely smelled
every odor the human body can produce more than I care to admit. Moving on….
Tasted: I have tasted
every way beans and rice can be possibly made, I have tasted goat in various
ways but I have to say last night’s was the best, fruit juices made of
“grenadia”, pineapple, and grapefruit (yummmm), fried okra which I enjoyed a
little too much and the awesomeness of Coca Cola in a bottle.
Heard: I have heard
cows, goats, hammers on a tin roof, men cheering the Super Bowl game, children
singing every morning and every night, drums, car horns galore and worshipping
like I will probably never hear at home.
Touched: I have felt
the hugs and kisses of many children every day, dirt everywhere, and have held
the hand of a woman as I walked (something very common in Guatemala and Haiti as I am sure many other
countries).
Seen: I have seen
generosity in many areas from different people. I witnessed a four year old
share his half slice of bread with peanut butter shared with three of his
little friends during recess. Also I admired a teenager save his granola bar we
gave them one night for a friend, to gift it as a birthday present. I have seen
two teams from CCC one caught vision and one built a goat farm. I have seen
beautiful mountains make sunrises and sunsets much more stunning. I also have
seen an eight year old girl get dropped off (abandoned)at a Children’s Home because it is safer to
let her go to an orphanage than to have her live in a tent city risking to get
raped. She has never gone to school, she saw her mother walk away and not know
if she’s coming back or who she is living with at the age of eight. I saw her
walk into the girls’ room get a bunk assigned to her as she carried one tote
with all her belongings.
I’ve also had great
conversations with Madame Yanik, the pastor’s wife. We have talked about life,
ministry, and she has shared many stories about the kids. Sometimes I have
walked away laughing but many times I have walked away wanting to hide in a
corner, weep and not know anymore of their hardships. The stories of these kids
are hard, ugly and beyond what my mind can process. I have definitely proved
that ignorance is bliss, I have only been here a week and sometimes wonder if
it had been better to not know.
Please continue
praying for my safety and my health. I write this as my knees, ankles and toes
are throbbing through the swollenness from the hardship of walking in the rocks
and dirt.
Immersed,
J
Friday, February 1, 2013
Heart & Soul
While in Haiti these
32 days I will be immersing my mind and body in learning life in Haiti.
A life that ishard work, full of
struggles and challenges. In these past 3-4 days I have learned to live in much
simpler conditions than in America.
I’ve had to learn to do laundry in a bucket daily, learn to live without a
dresser and limited storage, with the constant presence of dust and dirt (which
in turn makes me sweep & dust a lot) and a bathroom sink that continually
runs out of water and leaks. I have learned a few more words and songs in
Creole. I have learned to start my days when the sun rises and go to sleep as
the sun sets. I have learned to take advantage of every minute of electricity
to charge electronics, FaceTime with my husband, check Facebook J, and sit in front of
a fan and enjoy a fresh breeze on my sweaty face. I’m reading books about Haiti’s history, about children in Haiti
and earthquake stories. So many things my mind and body have gained knowledge.
While in Haiti
I will also be immersing heart & soul in my Lord, the love of my life. I
will be doing a bible study daily, in the solitude of my room, about King
David. Today was Day 1 of “David, seeking a heart like His” and the story
starts in 1 Samuel 14, and it talks about King Saul’s son, Jonathon, who later
becomes a great friend of David and this verse jumped out and hit me:
And his armor-bearer said to him,
“Do all that is in your heart. Do as you wish. Behold, I am with you heart and
soul.” – 1 Samuel 14:7
Jonathon is going to battle with the Philistines and his armor- bearer
pledges (and gives) his life to Jonathon to do as he wished! How does Jonathon
respond? “Behold, we will cross over to
the men” Pretty much “OK, we’re going to battle!” A few things touched my
heart but I will share three:
1-The surrendered heart
of the arm-bearer; no will, no hesitations, no questions, nothing. “Do all that
is in YOUR heart. Do as YOU wish.” How many times don’t I question, fear and
fight against His will in my life? Countless. How many times should I answer as
the arm-bearer but then choose to say no to God? Not only that, he gave his
“heart & soul”! “I am with you HEART & SOUL!”How do we get to that place?
2-The arm-bearer’s
response assured Jonathon, “he is all in
with me”, ok let’s go to battle! The same way God is waiting for that
surrendered heart and then and only then can He use us for all that is in His
heart and in His wishes.
3-‘The arm bearer
followed behind Jonathon. His master led him into battle’ and then the
battle was won.How many times has the
Lord let me know, “I lead, you follow”? How many times do I miss it? How many
times does He have to tell me? I don’t know but I am thankful He doesn’t give
up pursuing me and wanting me to be ALL His so He can do all that is in His
heart with me.
I am so grateful that He goes before me.
From Haiti,
Jack
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
32 Days in Haiti
As I write this, I am
sitting at an airport in Fort Lauderdale waiting
for my connecting flight to arrive in Haiti where I will be living for
the next 32 days. 32 days! I am excited, I am nervous, and yes I am already
missing my husband.
In January 2012, I was
on my last day in Haiti on a
mission trip and my leader asked us to write out a BIG dream about our Haiti journey in
our journals. At the time I dreamt about a time where I could come to Haiti and learn about culture, language and life
in Haiti.
I am those kinds of people that don’t learn by books or presentations. I learn
by stories, experiences, and emotions. I am a “feeler” and not the intellectual
type. So I wrote the BIG dream out and put it at the feet of Jesus, surrendered
it to Him.
I returned to Haiti in May and again it tugged at
me and so I decided to start conversations with the leaders of 1013 Missions
and One Family of how that would look? What would I do? Learn? After a few
conversations I felt it was a BIG dream turning into a plan so I started asking
people to help me pray about it. The more time passed the more evident it was
that I was going to Haiti.
The other big question is how do I tell Obe and ask for his blessing about what God was tugging at me with? At first, he really thought I was crazy, but then he went crazy with me in supporting me and encouraging me and putting aside the sacrifice of not being together for 32 days. Then fear on my side kicked in because you see, Obe is not just a husband that goes to work and privides the needs of the house; he is my best friend, my care taker when I am flared with RA, he is the one who is my strong companion and my number one encourager. He really helps me up when I am down and lifts me up when I can't no more. Then the question rose up in me, "How will I survive without him?" Well God answered that really quick, "WITH ME!"
Praying. Planning.
Praying. Doubting. Praying. Fear. Praying. Doubting. That’s how it went for the
next 6 months. By December, I was almost convinced I was doing the wrong
decision on going to Haiti.
I was between moves, chaos with my son and in the midst of a BIG dream for my
church. One night I said, “God, I am almost convinced that I am not going to Haiti
but I will put the ask out for funding my trip if you provide, I will know I
should go.” I knew the enemy was at work with fear, doubt and even lies of not
being chosen for this task and I also knew my God is greater than that so I
threw it out there. 72 hours later I had raised the cost of my ticket and
bought my ticket costing $200 less than I have ever paid. In three weeks I had
raised the total cost of the trip and all the supplies needed and then some.
God had showed up in an extravagant way!
Thirty days later to
the day I am on a plane en route to Croix de Bouquets, Haiti with all my luggage to live
there for 32 days! 32 days! Yes, 32 days without my family, without my dear and
loving husband, without my bed, my home, my church family and without my son
and granddaughter. How? Why? What are you thinking? Are some of the questions I
have been asked these past few months, I will try to answer them next.
How?
How did I decide to
leave all that is familiar and go to the unfamiliar? By prayer and knowing I am
a follower of Jesus. I go where he leads and I go ALL IN. I don’t know how I am
able to that? All, I know is that He fuels my desires to continue learning
about a country who’s language I am challenged to learn. I know He has a plan
and it’s not up to me to know it or give my opinion, I must obey and execute
whatever His plans are for me. I know that before I was even created in my
mother’s womb, He had all my days planned out already and so it is with Faith
in Him that is how I GO, BE, and LEARN.
Why?
I believe that to
further strengthen the commitment, that God put in my heart, I must learn more
of Haiti from Haiti.
From her challenges, struggles, beauty, hardships, and her celebrations. Why
did Obe and I move into Aurora
and leave our family where we didn’t know anyone? To BE WITH the people of Aurora. Her challenges are
our challenges, her victories are our victories. I believe to learn I must
submerge for now since I can’t relocate (yet J).
What am I thinking?
Honestly, I am not. I
am just following His lead.
I am thankful that He
has chosen me to have the honor to live with other Haitians, with 48 children
that I will get to love and nurture, and the privilege to serve and love others
as myself. I am thankful that He desires for me to learn more, for me to feel
more, and even to break my heart more. I am thankful for each person that
believed in me and God’s plans for me and gave generously, prayed fervently and
encouraged me to go beyond my imagination. I am thankful for Obe, my husband,
who supports me and never says no to God’s dream in me and allows me to be ALL
IN with Jesus, with Mission
and my Generosity.
There will be many
sacrifices and times of maybe frustrations, loneliness and of missing my family
& friends but I could never say no to my Creator and Lover of my Soul. I
know God is with me and He knows I would not take one step forward without His presence.
So here I go stepping out of the boat or walking into the dessert with HIM.
P.S.
Right when I arrived at Haiti, I saw this sign and I asked Pastor Kesnel, "What does it say?" He responded, "God before Everything!" I am thankful the Almighty goes before me.
Saying goodbye continues to be my most challenging time in Haiti. This is my third time in Haiti in 12 months, and it does not get easier. On this trip, I wanted to be more focused on one thing, relationships. I wanted to build a relationship with three young men that had made the effort and of keeping in contact via facebook or The Savini’s from the January trip. In January I met them and I thought of them often. It seems to me that when you visit an orphanage you tend to gravitate to the little cuties knee high. Honestly I do, my maternal desire gravitates to the little bitty ones. But what of the older ones? The ones who have many chores and a lot of children to help care for? So my focus was going to be primarily Eastwood, Josias, Yvens and of coursed I snuck in a big hug with Moles ( who just melts my heart when he sings) and Billie Jean (who I fell in love with instantly in January).
Eastwood and I had agreed that we would meet nightly to learn/ practice English and I learn Creole and that's how it started in the beginning of the week. As the week progressed there was a shift from studying to sharing life. We talked about my piti gason (son) a lot. They were very interested in how he was like, what did he like, what was his style? We talked about music, America, and Haiti. I think of the conversations I have with my son, that sound so different and wonder how could I leave and leave them here. My heart rejoices when I see them playing with Erik, Caleb and Bobby. I marvel at how God brought our three American teens to impact these three Haitian teens and so many more.
Tonight, our last night together, I sat with GiGi (Who's smile and servant heart has stolen the hearts of many of us), Yvens and my very quiet and loving Josias. We sang, cried, prayed and just sat in silence. Josias writes me everyday I am here; Yvens just listens to Eastwood and I when we talk. Eastwood is the one with many questions of America and acts as the protector of Jacqueline a lot. Eastwood seems to be a leader in the pack, he excels in sports, is a great musician and is very smart, he speaks the most English of the three and if he doesn't know he uses my Google translator (if we have internet), my dictionaries or goes finds a translator. One way or another he will get his question answered.
Tonight’s conversations were very sad. Conversations of "don't forget me", "I will miss you", "pray for me" and "I wish I could go with you". I wondered if building relationships here was wise, it's so much easier to just not attach yourself. I wonder if I hurt them more than help? I cried, they cried. I promised, God willing I will come back soon but that did not bring their bright smiles back. Eastwood, retreated to bed early tonight, and maybe it was much better to not go through the goodbye process with him. That goodbye is one I cannot do with composure. Josias, when asked "kouman ou ye?" (How are you?) All he could say in his soft voice, "not good." Nothing more was spoken but his letter tonight was the hardest to read. Yvens, the one I see so alive for God, we prayed for each other in our respective languages and cried. Immediately after our prayer he retreated quickly and went to bed.
Getting to know these young men has inspired me in so many levels. In what may my role be in the lives of young people in my community, in Haiti and specifically in theirs?
My time in Haiti as expected has been fulfilling, it's been a blessing, and has again opened my eyes to more.
Tonight is especially difficult and tomorrow, well tomorrow will not be any better.
I am very happy to be writing from Haiti tonight! It's been 24 hours of running around packing, driving in crazy weather, lug over a ton of supplies, catching planes, eating, running and then the wheels of the airplane touch down on Haitian land! Oh what a feeling!?
Through all the hustle and bustle of preparing for this trip I was worrying and doubting my effectiveness in Haiti. If I would be able to work, reach, impact anyone in Haiti. I kept thinking of what could keep me from working and tonight the question..."What keeps you from seeking all of God right now?" whoa! It hit me good! MY WORRIES!!! That's what keeps me from soaking in God, soaking in Haiti, soaking in being with Haiti. Tonight as we closed out the long day of travels with some time of worship, God shows up... or I let Him show up in my life and he soothes the aches, the worries, the doubts and whispers in my heart, "There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning. I make all things work together for your good."
I'm ready for this week! I am His servant, His Ambassador, His made new daughter and He is my King, my Savior and my Counselor! I am His and He is mine and if He is with me NOTHING can come against me!
I am blessed to spend my first night in Haiti with 9 others on fire for Him!
Blessings!
Jacqueline
I truly believe in God's timing being perfect. I use to wrestle with His timing before. My husband would say, "God will provide Jack." and I use to say, "When?". Yes I have been rebellious for most of my life and lacked faith in people and it wasn't any different when I came to know Jesus but as I have walked with my Lord and gotten to know Him I realize there is nothing better than waiting on Him and His timing.
I know God knew exactly what he was doing when he brought The Ambassador Team back from Haiti just in time for Holy Week. For many of us this week is extra special and that is the case for me. I've always enjoyed the traditions of my country and it's probably my favorite time to go home and attend the prayers, be a part of the beautiful carpets made for the processions and all the beauty that surrounds this week. I like going to the Stations of the Cross, Easter service is one of my favorites. I like to read the words of Jesus that lead us through his thoughts, prayers and actions during this week leading to his crucifixion and resurrection. I watch the Passion movie. We get to try to live through his passion for mankind. We try to feel his painful love for us. We try to feel the pain, the passion, the selfless love he had for us.
This week has been special and heartbreaking for many of us in the team. Leaving Haiti has been painful and trying to adjust back to our "normal" lives has proved to be challenging to say the least. For me this week has been a passionate week that has been full of mourning and longing. As the days progressed the feelings only intensified and a lot of the words Jesus said during this last week of His life became the same words I said. Such as, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34) as i try to adjust to America's life, “I am thirsty (for more)” (John 19:28) as I long for more. The feelings (which I am sure are only a glimpse of what He felt) intensified and became such a part of me the yearning, longing, pain, love, compassion, affection, anguish, anger, distress, grief, gladness, indignation, joy, peace, sadness, sympathy, troubled and weary.
I long to go back to Haiti as I am sure our Lord longs to come back for His bride. This thought fuels me to spread the good news onto my family, my beloved community of East Aurora and unto Haiti. Being a missionary locally and globally will forever change my view on priorities and fuel me to serve my Lord with everything. To know what longing feels like, truly yearning to see Haiti again has given me the tiniest glimpse of what Jesus feels about coming back for us.
I have fallen in love with Haiti and everything it represents to me: freedom, hope, love, submersion. The Bible says where the spirit of the Lord dwells there is freedom. I can say I experienced freedom in Haiti. We submersed ourselves completely to being led by the Spirit, healed by the Spirit, fueled by the Spirit. Everything was with the Spirit. We did not go (like Moses) do, or be anything without the His presence. That was freedom to me. Freedom from my checkbook, my job, doctors, etc. all we had was GOD, SON and HOLY SPIRIT. All we needed in Haiti ..... and all we need here too.
And as I (we) grieved this week I felt the anguish, the anger, and sadness. Such a process I have not gone through in years. The heartache and being torn between wanting to be in Haiti and also loving my community. Wanting to dance and sing with Junia, Julio, Junior, Norma, Nelli, Daphnee, Tesca, Christdanie, Eden and see their smiles and hear their laughter fills my heart with a longing that is indescribable.
So today I want to thank God for sending his Son to teach us how to love, how to long, and how to grieve. The perfect example of a true missionary. A missionary that had compassion, loved, grieved, yearned, longed for the people and for His Father, had affection, was anguished, even got angry at injustice, was glad to see the children, joy, peace, sadness, sympathy, troubled and was even weary. Also, for the Great Commission that was given after He rose again.
Matthew 28:18-20
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
Acts1:8
But when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, you will be filled with power, and you will be witnesses for me in Jerusalem, in all of Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.
So in conclusion I tell myself and to you, "Arise for the Lord has arisen and use the authority and power given unto you to change lives, communities and even nations by making disciples because surely He is with me always, to the very end of age. I will be a witness to Aurora, in all America and Haiti, and to the ends of the earth." So as my scars (mosquito bites) disappear I kneel to the scars of the hands of my loving Jesus to praise Him and worship the only reason to exist, to seek His face His splendor.
Spending time at The Rooftop has become a morning way to kickstart the day. Tara starts the worship music and we go and read, pray or sing. The time is probably becoming my favorite part of the day. Honestly waking up early is not my thing but waking up early to spend time at The Rooftop, now that is different. Powerful things happen on The Rooftop. We pray for eachother, talk to God, read the Word and sing songs to our Lord.
Today when we came home from Carrefour Fuielle after spending the day with 100+ kids ranging from the age of 4-16. It was amazing to hear them laugh at us because of our lack of Creole and or attempt at Creole. Playing, learning about Josiah and doing friendship bracelets definitely was a challenge without knowing Creole. Soooo yeah, Creole classes will be a definite this summer.
After a day of soaking it all in, I needed some Rooftop time to think about the kids, Pastor Daniel, Madamme T, and so much more. It was a great evening on The Rooftop.
My highlight of our first trip into the field today was a simple game of duck duck goose. We had spent the day learning about agriculture, home building and about a ministry called Christianville. All amazing ideas, plans and partnerships with churches that God is just going to bless abundantly. Through all this the blessing of a duck duck goose game with about 20 kids filled the air with laughter and giggles that was an amazing moment of Christ smiling on us.
In the beginning the children were not interacting but then there was one girl about 8 or 9 that came up to Tara and opened dialogue that lead to an attempt of dancing and finally we were successful with a simple game of duck duck goose which Sara and Ashley taught the kids. As the kids started understanding the game and started participating under the shade of the trees of that place that place radiated joy and hope! We all stood around in awe as we clicked away with cameras and video recorded every moment we could possibly get of a beautiful glimpse of heaven where we will all be equal and perfect. Where there will be no more pain.
Honestly I am speechless with Haiti so far. But I will share my favorite moments thus far in this trip has all the amount of worship time we have had together with the team, individually and at church.
Going to church celebration service today was unlike anything ever imagined. A group of 8 of us went to a church in a large white tent around the corner. As we entered the gate we were able to see through the windows of two rooms hundreds of children in Sunday School sitting in their spots aweing over the white (yes I am considered "white" here) people coming in. We were right away greeted by the founder of the ministry, Elsie and gave us royal treatment and sat us all on the front row. Quite honestly it was a little uncomfortable to be treated with such honor but we obliged. What would happen next blew our mind!
We were just seated to the front row of God's Glory!!! The worship team consisted of a drummer, a keyboard and two vocalists in the altar area but the whole church was the choir! Worship in this place came out everywhere and it was not just three and two songs!!! Not one person wasn't singing, clapping, or dancing the whole church was worshipping their Lord. Worshipping here in Creole to songs that were familiar and unfamiliar were felt deep in our souls. We did not understand a whole lot but we sure felt the still voice in our souls of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was present in this place and touching our hearts.
I cannot point out a favorite moment because honestly the whole service was amazing but a highlight was when the song "Come let us adore him." the team sang it in English I sang it Spanish and it just all felt like heaven. And at this part.....
One day ev'ry tongue will confess You are God
One day ev're knee will bow
Still the greatest treasure remains for those,
Who gladly choose You now
Toda lengua confesara que EL es Dios las rodillas se doblaran y un deseo eterno tendras en El si escoges su amor
Yon joulangev'rypralkonfeseOuseBondye Yon sèl jou ajenouev'reapbese Toujoutrezòapi granpou mounrete, Ki moun kikè kontanchwaziou koulye a
It became reality! I was singing with my brothers and sisters in Christ loving and praising our Abba Father!
In three hours I will be leaving my home and starting my journey to Haiti! April 9 has finally arrived and quite honestly I cannot sleep with anticipation! I am all packed and ready to go. To go now! Can't sleep or rest. I'm ready! I'm ready now! As I wait two and half more hours, I want to ask you to pray for all of us going on this trip. We leave our families behind while mothers or fathers go to the poorest country in our hemisphere to love and serve others. Sons and daughters that leave worried parents behind for their well being in a country suffering from cholera outbreaks and husbands and wives that leave spouses behind to go wherever Jesus calls us to go be his hands and feet. Pray for our families too.
Thank you all who have made dreams come true through prayer and partnership with me! God is good.
I've been stuck on this topic for three weeks! I've had many moments where the question arises:
Why are you going to Haiti?
My team lead Sara asked us a few weeks ago to write a couple paragraphs about motivations/expectations about our trip to Haiti and unbelievably the question that stumped me was: Why are you going to Haiti? Can you believe that question has kept me up at night? Unbelievable?! I've been talking about this dream for a year, I have been praying for this opportunity for many nights, I've driven people crazy with my dream to go to Haiti and this simple question took me on three weeks of thoughts, sleeplessness, and questioning my motives.
And then yesterday, out of pure "coincidence" I am sitting at my church office mulling over these thoughts writing my thoughts and emailing them of course late to my team lead when my friend Rick strolls in with all his calmness and peaceful demeanor takes a seat at this desk and softly greets us. Meanwhile I'm here distraught thinking my email is so simpleminded should I even send it. What will Sara think? Late and lame!
Now if you know Rick Guzman you know exactly what I'm talking about. This man walks around like there are no troubles in the world, with a brain full of knowledge that God has gifted him with, and so much wisdom that honestly sometimes I feel like I'm feeble minded next to him. A man full of justice thoughts and has educated many about fair trade, coming alongside the least of these, and opened our eyes to the world outside our own. This is a blessing of a man! Well who does God send my way? A patient man that will let me air, vent, and quite honestly go in circles with my thoughts, emotions, fears and of course my confusion. (God is good). Towards the end of my whirlwind rambling discussion THE QUESTION haunts me again in my head and I share with Rick the cause of my anguish. (i know i can be a little dramatic) and i tell him my great conclusion.... "maybe I'm not suppose to know why? maybe because it's not up to me to know. All I know is I am suppose to go show them that we love and care for them and bring news of how we as a church can help. Kind of like a messenger" and he says, "Yes you are the voice to the voiceless. That is why you are part of the Ambassador Team." Then he turns around calmly grabs a book from the shelf and starts reading to me a part of "Holy Discontent" by Bill Hybels. It all all of a sudden makes sense! maybe if I were to pay attention a little better i would have seen the definition of the name of my team. So I went to the dictionary.
I have found my purpose and mission! I am an Authorized Messenger of Jesus who will be a voice to the voiceless and this is why I am going to Haiti. This is my calling and I am responding to it! I envision a nation that will rise from the rubbles with the church working right by their side. The name of the Lord will be proclaimed and glorified because of it!
With a purpose,
J-
Exodus 9:16
But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.
Psalm 57:2 I cry out to God Most High,
to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.
Proverbs 19:21
You can make many plans,but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.
P.s.
Thanks Rick Guzman for letting yourself be used by God, teaching us so much, and heading this team! Well done.
To feel and see His power is what I yearn! When I think of the power of healing a body, a family, a community and the land of a nation; when I think about the power of prayer and fasting, the power of love, the power of our compassionate Jesus I can't help but think of this verse:
2 Chronicles 7:14-15
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.
The Power of Prayer
Then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin AND WILL HEAL THEIR LAND. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered......... that part makes me think just as much as what is asked from us: if my people, who are called by MY name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn away from their wicked ways.
I mean the latter part of the verse is great but the first part, what about the first part? What will make His power just rain on us and our lands? What will open his eyes and his ears be attentive to us? What will overwhelm him to just release power of forgiveness and the power to heal lands, nations? The beautiful action of humbling ourselves.....to pray... pray to seek his face... pray to change our wicked ways.
As I have seeked to spend time yearning to see his face I have come to the conclusion that being in His presence helps view the devastation in our homes, cities and for me in Haiti with eyes of Hope. God in all His glory shines his power in ruins, in the lost, in devastation. His power fuels me to see beyond all thedifferent ruins. Seeking his face shines beauty, healing, restoration, better new days, transformation onto my strayed son, onto an unhealthy body, unto a nation lying in ruins, unto a community far from Him. Seeking to see His face shinning on us should be a glorious time. A time of powerful interaction with our God, our creator, our saviour and counselor! We can not go to a nation without consulting with Him, without bringing Him with us and without touching as His hands and feet! My priority has to be to seek Him, shouldn't be yours? I can do nothing without Him... He is my fuel, my force and fortitute. So as I prepare to take this journey to Haiti, it's been not only about my journey to a nation of devastation it is also a journey to my place of devastation .... to a place of humbling myself to seek his face in prayer so He can heal ME, to a place of forgiveness from Him and from myself and healing of my spiritual land. And as he grants me the favor of his face and as he hears the moans and groans of my soul I am being healed and restored. It's been an amazing journey already!
I ask you to continue praying for me and the Ambassador Team as we are 6 weeks away from departing to Haiti. We are all preparing in different ways spiritually, physically and emotionally but also financially.. please pray in joining us in all these areas. Also, we will be hosting the Celebration Generosity dinners this weekend at the Yellow Box and Romeoville campuses. For more info visit: http://www.communitychristian.org/.
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